I know that it has been about 5 months since you had your fun with me, but I am still hurt. I am still suffering. I am doing my best to cope while juggling responsibilities online and in real life. Hard work and sacrifice; things you wouldn't understand. Now, these feelings do not come easily--sometimes they drag on for years. Often they are accompanied with self-harm, suicide ideation AND nightmares--I have had many of late. Terrible ones.
Anyway, I believe part of the problem was that I was NOT allowed any room to say anything or express how I felt. You controlled and dominated the entire "discussion". That was wrong--unjust as well. I am writing this open letter to correct what you got wrong about me. I am also writing this open letter so that I can expose you for the disgusting piece of shit that you are because you need to suffer.
First of all, you did NOT have to fucking lie to me OR talk behind my back with my friends OR drop vague hints. You could have been a man and told me the fucking truth, apologized for giving me the wrong idea and leading me on and EVERYTHING would have been cool. We could have talked things out and I would have been able to walk away with most of my heart intact. I would not have felt a painful stinging venom coursing through my heart.
Oh but now that would have cost way more consideration and empathy than you had wouldn't it you sick little piece of shit? Would have taken the courage you don't have right coward? It just would have been too much common fucking sense of your backward trailer trash self wouldn't it?
Secondly, I have sacrificed and lost a lot when our paths crossed--I should have recognized you for the black cat that you were--an omen of bad times to come. There is a gaping hole in my heart where Klayking's used to be. I cannot go back there no matter how much time passes. NameUser and the others hate me and want nothing to do with me. I feel such sadness for straying from them because now they are lost to me and I to them.
All those good memories and friends I threw away for a piece of trash like you--a lying piece of trash who tries to make himself look better than he really is. I wish I had NEVER met or did anything with you. You're a fucking coward and a disgusting predator. Never again will I be a fucking doormat for shitty creatures like you.
Thirdly, I was in NO way trying to control you. What you seemed to not realize was that I was trying to tiptoe on broken glass and eggshells. In other words I was trying to avoid your infamous anger that YOU seem to make excuses and faux apologies for and frankly?
Fuck your apologies.
There is NO value to admitting you have an anger problem if you don't make a commitment to changing yourself for the better. I also shouldn't have to take responsibility for your actions or words. I'm NOT your mommy. You're a grown ass man. Fucking. Act. Like. It.
I had A LOT of faith in you. Granted that faith was DEVASTATINGLY misplaced. For those two reasons it is what I meant when I said that about you cutting yourself out of projects because it seems to me that YOU do this shit to yourself. No one wants to cut you out of projects and take the credit, but you make things so unbearable for others that they want to get far the fuck away from you.
This is why I left Arcadia Inc. I could NOT stand how nasty your personality was and how much of an overlord you were. You bullied me. You harassed me. I made maps for Arcadia because (1) it was fun--it was one of my hobbies (2) I truly wanted to be a part of the project AND (3), I wanted to improve and grow as a mapper/ texture maker.
This brings me to another thing you got DEAD wrong about me.
When you invaded my Steam chat window to ask about Achievement_Turbov20 and said "Or you could be a 12 year old and ignore me" you operated on the expectation of instant gratification like a rabid 2-year-old brat. I was not there to immediately answer you, so you threw a fucking fit. FYI, I normally I answer people within a few seconds or minutes. I don't believe in being rude and leaving people hanging.
Well guess what?
I have ADHD. Because of this, I need to take frequent breaks or I burn out. Breaks give me time to think about what I'm doing and how to improve. It also helps to keep me from giving up entirely. So I got up and went to walk around, stretch my legs and get some tea. Your bitch ass bugged me at the wrong moment.
I mean, how the hell was I supposed to answer you with the laptop in my room and me down in the kitchen making tea so I could calm MY nerves down from having my heart violently and viciously ripped out and trashed with gay abandon by a vicious disease ridden sick parasite like you? How was I supposed to know you asked me something until I got back?
I mean I really needed that tea. I was in tears and shaking and about to grab for the knife and start slicing myself up. I REALLY REALLY REALLY needed that fucking tea. You're a fucking asshole for that--no you're a fucking monster. How fucking dare you do something like that to me and then act like there wouldn't be any problems or act like I didn't need space away from your sick narcissistic presence in my life.
How dare you order me around like a tyrant after you put me through so much garbage before and after you broke my heart.
Guess all that drinking you do fucked up your brain because your impatient ass jumped to conclusions and started picking at me like the psychopathic bully you are. And you NEVER apologized for that shit--then again, that's in your sicked twisted personality. Do fucked up shit to other people and never ever see the wrong in it or apologize. I had to get the server owner to make you stop. I should not have had to do that--you should have known better than to pick on people.
Also I am NOT a crazy cat lady. I will NEVER EVER become a crazy cat lady. A crazy cat lady is someone who is an animal hoarder (hoarding is a serious mental illness by the way) that has taken to cats. Not only that, but you want to talk crazy cat ladies?
Those are the women who are thrown away or abused by other human beings and left to languish from inhuman cruelties. They acquire cats to feel loved and wanted. But it overwhelms them and rather than give the cats up they let the conditions for themselves and their cats get worse. The animals end up dead because of animal hoarders.
But that will never be me.
I am not a hoarder and I have no problem doing the responsible thing and handing over any animals to shelters OR better yet, not hoarding them at all. Same with inanimate object hoarding. I can maintain a clean and clear space. BUT here's the thing: I don't even have any animals. I only pet sit for my mother and older sister. I know my limits as a potential pet owner. So fuck that comment about me becoming a crazy cat lady. You don't know shit about crazy cat ladies.
When I compared you to NameUser, you're right, I was wrong. You're NOT like NameUser. That would be so insulting to a better man. He's infinitely better than you. Now that's not sucking up or being a tool (btw, you're a fucking TOOL)--that's a clear observation from someone who's studied you both at both your worst and best. NameUser has more self-control and discipline than you. He could be fat, ugly and whatever else that society as a whole dislikes (I don't know what he looks like and I don't care either way since I tend to not be shallow), but his personality and hard work will always outshine yours. Frankly, you have the mentality of a six year old (which is the mental age of people with NPD).
If anyone wants to come to me to ask about you (for jobs, server stuff or shit, relationships), I will tell them the truth as I had painfully learned it. And you can't complain about "slander" OR "libel" because you have shown me what you really are. You willingly taught me your true nature.
- cannot be trusted for anything
- are a live wire--always angry
- talk a good game, but you can't deliver
- are a fucking leech who lives off of the hard work of others
- are basically just there for the glory
- are just a spoiled brat
- have a twisted control freak nature
- are a fucking hypocrite
- are a fucking liar who believes his own lies
- are contemptuous of everyone--you look down on everyone
- talk shit behind everyone's back (never ok to do)
- are a fucking coward who can't come forward about anything
Let me say it again, I do NOT even want any kind of friendship with you. You ARE vile. You ARE nasty. Your friendship is made out of the same BULLSHIT that your life is made out of and I do NOT want you around. Ever again.
PS. This letter will never be deleted OR made private NOR will any names be anonymized OR changed. I firmly believe that if a person fucks up AND does nothing to alleviate damages done to others, they have NO right to ask for ANY leniency.
P.S.S. I hope that all the bad things in the world happen to you and nobody else but you. But mostly I hope you get your junk shot off by the next girl you prey on you fuckface loser. Hope you choke on dicks in a foreign prison.